Do you ever feel as though you are moving through an overcast life? It is when each direction you turn appears cloudier than the previous, bringing with it a whirling array of blurry prologues as the precipitation of life weighs heavily upon the body, mind, and spirit. Well in such times, Yah instructs his people to ask him for guidance and to accept the outcome he has in mind for them.

Many of us have lived through and defied extraordinary circumstances. Countless more have sought Yah’s assistance through prayer. While I believe that Yah is the one true source of guidance we should seek, are we always willing to accept his direction for our lives?

I found myself in a dire situation. My husband had lost his job and broken his back. My daughter was 16-months-old, I was seven months pregnant, managing my business from home, and our home was in foreclosure. I had applied to every program available to assist me in sustaining my residence to no avail. The final verdict in my case was, though I qualified for a home loan modification, the banks were unwilling to approve my application and therefore repossessed my home.

This arduous process left me defeated, ashamed, grievous, and ultimately feeling unsuccessful in my endeavor to provide for my family. Nevertheless, I had planned ahead for this very outcome—or so I thought. Having cashed in my assets, I felt I would be able to secure a new stable environment to run my business and establish a home for my family.

I prayed often, always minding to leave the conclusion of my prayer in Yah’s capable hands. At the time, I truly believed I was asking Yah to oversee my journey, all the while thinking I was adhering to his guidance. However, I was in essence meticulously devising my own plan, using manipulation tactics to force the outcome I wanted. I asked Yah for relief, but I was really praying for him to let my answer be the right path. I tried to control my own escalating spiral of events rather than accept that it was Yah’s direction I truly needed. I had much to learn regarding the way of prayer and about accepting the answer to my inquiry without question and with sincere humility.

Over the next several months I struggled to keep my head above water in many ways. Now a mother of two, I felt even more desperate to find a secure environment for my family. I applied to several housing complexes, and while I did have cash, none would approve my application based on my current credit standing. I remember vividly the moment when I thought I had found “the one.” It seemed as though I had finally reached the pinnacle of my experience. My family would have shelter and a safe haven that I was able to secure. What once seemed unattainable was suddenly a reality, and the euphoria was wonderful!

But alas, my elation was short-lived. What followed was the devastating news that somehow, through a computer glitch, the complex was unable to process my application in a timely manner, and I was to be placed on a waiting list for the vacancy. My world had reached a new fathomless depth. I was angry, frustrated beyond measure, and was growing weary of relentlessly praying for what I deemed a successful conclusion to my hardship.

This season of my life was dreary.
Full of blustery storms and despair,
my rainy discord left me a heaving, sobbing mess.

Five days later I awoke to the news headline that the housing complex I applied to burned to the ground. While no one was harmed, the Red Cross provided shelter for the victims and the structure was considered a total loss.

I immediately dropped to my knees in what I can only describe as true submission to an undeniable revelation, and I thanked Yah for guiding my family away from calamity and disaster.

As I reflect on my experience, I view it with open eyes and a renewed heart. I was headed for a crash landing, but my failure was not wrapped up in the aforementioned circumstance. I stubbornly attempted to control my situation, and therefore, needed to be humbled many times over. My understanding of prayer and communication in my relationship with Yah was in a full-blown hurricane. This season of my life was dreary. Full of blustery storms and despair, my rainy discord left me a heaving, sobbing mess.

I was asking in all the wrong ways for Yah to give me what I desired. I grew impatient, and at times was even angry that Yah was allowing me to struggle on with no sign of relief. Much later, he opened my eyes to reveal the horizon above my overcast sky, and I was able to see Yah’s hand leading me through the path he chose for me and my life. Through each obstacle and hurdle, Yah was allowing me to be humbled until I was finally able to let go and submit myself completely to his care.

Yah is the only solution, and maintaining a flourishing relationship with him is much more than connecting only when things are out of control and life is frantic. This revelation from him has given my life new purpose and meaning. Through Yah’s amazing grace and mercy, his Spirit lifted the clouds in my heart and I am beginning to understand how to live my life according to his will.

I was once a woman who followed the path many succumb to: adhering to only a fragment of prayer instruction and ultimately relying on self-triumph. Although I did not realize it at the time, I failed to accept Yah’s abounding wisdom and guidance in allowing me to place all my trust completely in him. Instead, I twisted his instructions to benefit myself in the manner I saw fit. This was a cataclysmic error on my part that, thankfully, was brought to light by the Most High. It is not at all about my will, but always his will. This means accepting the answer he provides without question or rebuttal.

Yah is our Elohim. As our eternal Father, he will steer us through the earthly fog if we commit ourselves completely to him and trust that he knows what is best for us, even when we cannot entirely comprehend his response. The way is not always easy, but Yah alone can deliver us.

We all have a story to tell. Brothers and sisters, I hope you are able to focus more on the flaws I have illustrated as I wove the tapestry of my short tale. May Yah reach you all as he has reached me.